Jealous? Giving Up?

I'm not all saint. So I do feel jealous at times. Ini adalah perasaan orang yang berasa kekurangan berbanding orang lain.

I feel jealous when I heard of all the good news on pregnancies from friends and family eventhough bile compare I'd been married for much much longer. What I know is that I'm not alone.

I had a friend who had decided after almost 5 years of marriage without a child, she wanted to stop thinking about trying. I felt a bit dissappointed in her. May be I was selfish in that I wanted a companion whom I can share all the trials and that I thought that her effort is not enough to warrant her giving up. But who am I to judge her. She's suffered for much longer and even though we share the same problem, I'm lucky to not have to go through all her bad (almost nightmarish) experiences with doctors. Perhaps I thought that I was supporting her when the fact is that I was making her feel suffocated. But I do hope she could find the right support even if it's not me because even though I might not be sensitive enough or I might be self righteous/judgmental at times, I still think that it's important for her to not give up and keep on trying.

I can feel that my life sucks and I can decide to be overwhelm by the madness of it but... come to think of it, I should not turn a blind eye to my blessings. There are others who are less fortunate.
Contohnya, those who got divorced. If he/she is with a child or children, then being a single parent would be a tough challenge tapi klu divorced with no kids, then he/she can feel very lonely. Or comparing to those who's strunggling to find a mate or had totally given up hope in finding The One.

I had not yet given up in trying to conceive. Mungkin kerana usia perkahwinan baru setahun jagung so I can say that. I called a good friend of mine yesterday; part of the reason is that I wanted to find comfort in her and the other part is I missed her and loved her very much (not having that many friends).

About my lovely friend, she's now blessed with twin girls after over 2 years of struggling. Perhaps you might think that she had not struggled for long but I believe that she had struggled extremely hard and thus deserve the fruitful result she's now enjoying. She's the one I looked up to. I'm glad to say that I'm really happy for her and I'm not jealous of her. Rasa diri sendiri jahat bila ada perasaan jealous.

"Buat apa yang hang rasa patut, biar berhabis insyaallah bile hang dapat hasilnya hang akan rasa usaha hang worth it. Aku dulu ke sana ke mari berubat. Rasa penat, hampir nak give up, sedey, jealous semua ada tapi jangan putus asa insyaallah jalan tu ade utk hang" This was her confession and advice.

MARY... AKU SAYANG KAU!!

So gals if you think that jealousy is lingering within you or that you might not be sensitive enough to your friend, please don't feel bad about yourself. We are only human. The important thing is, we should strive to bring ourselves back on the right track.