3rd Clomid Cycle

I went to my 3rd round of clomid in May 2010. The first 2 with Hamid Arshat & the 3rd with Dr Wong. Dr Wong told me that even those with normal reproductive system, the probability of pregnancy occurrence is only 15% every month. Some couples only succeeded after the 6th round of clomid. So he suggested that I try the pills 2 more times.

Ohh and the result of my previous blood test:
LH - 7.7
FSH - 6.7

Normally, FSH should be higher than LH. So this confirmed the vaginal scan that my right ovary is polycystic.

Scanned my eggs on day 14 (still not my ovulation day) and guess what... I have 2 eggs which were big enough to be fertilized. 1 at the right (29 mm) and 1 at the left (19 mm).

But... by the end of the cycle, Lady in Red paid me a visit!! :(

Thinking of the bright side, at least she had not delayed her arrival as she usually did. Perhaps my period is getting normal like it used to before I got married.

Might continue with my 4th trial on Clomid once I back from Tunisia this July.

Hubby comforted me by saying me our bb want to be made in PV8, our new home. Might move in somewhere in July or Aug.

Laparascopy

I'm on my lazy mode today. So I guess everyone knows that laparascopy is one of the many alternatives of fertility treatment. It can serve both diagnostic and corrective purpose on the overall condition of our reproductive system.

The most important thing is to know whether the doctor performing laparascopy on you have had enough experience. It has to be the right doctor with the right equipment. Otherwise... nnt lain pula yang diusiknya which is not uncommon.

After almost 2 years of waiting, we might be moving to our own place somewhere around June. I'd pooled some funds for the furnishings and basic necessities but it seems 2/3 of the fund would now have to go into reserve incase I would have to go for laparascopy. Originally, I plan to do it next year if necessary but I think I just can't wait that long.

It's too stressful with my in laws getting pregnant although they just got married March this year, my cousins and friends having their babies this year and my brother is also getting married next month and perhaps he and my new sister in law have a very good chance to conceive this year itself... again. Now starting to feel like an outsider within my own family. People talking about babies and I don't know/understand a shit.

I really salute you guys who managed to keep it cool facing this kind of situation. Yeah.. how I wish I could share their happiness or be happy for them and that I'm a saint with heart pure as snow. But.. unfortunately I can't feel anything other than as if I'm an outcast.

1st trip to Puchong Women Specialist (TMC branch)

I turned out that I never did use the voucher for free counseling for experienced nurse. It's because in order to get free semen & hormonal analysis, one will need to see the doctor. So I made an appointment with the doctor in charge for Saturday, last Saturday (May 8th 2010). His name is Dr. Yong Jee Kien. The nurses there were very nice and friendly. Funny, I thought I wouldn't be comfortable with Chinese environment clinic/hospital. Tapi kalau kat Damai Service Hospital, mungkin ade kurang best cket certain nurses, yang lain ok.

& coincidentally, it was my first day of period. I told Dr. Yong about all my previous treatments. He seems to have great respect for Dato Dr Hamid Arshat "He's very experienced" he said. I also told him about the statement from Dr Idora from Pantai "Why were you given clomid? It could waste your eggs". His reply was "not necessarily, depending on the case".

So... I'd been thinking. Perhaps D&C and hydrotubation could be right for me. But... of course for each treatment there are possibilities for both success and failure. Quoting from Prof's write up

"2. Hydrotubation.Rawatan ini ialah satu prosedur membuka serta mengembangkan saluran tiub fallopian. Rahim disuntik dengansatu larutan khas yang akan jadi tiub mengembang dan menyenangkan persenyawaan di dalam fallopian tiub. Pesakit akan diberi bius/anestetik dan berada dalam keadaan tidak sedar untuk prosedur ini. Kes ini untuk wanita yang keputusan X-raynya menunjukkan tiubnya tersumbat.Lelemak dan daging atau bentuknya tiub yang tidak betul sesuai dengan prosedur ini. Kadang-kadang ia dilakukan bersama "Dilate & Curetting" iaitu cervix dibuka dan kemudiannya uterus dicuci dengan alat-alat khas untuk membuang lapisan darah endometrium atau polyps. Sekiranya ketumbuhan ini/lapisan darah ini tidak dibuang dan dibiarkan lapisan boleh membiak dan memakan uters kesemuanya lantas merosakkan organ peranakkan. 3. D&C - Dilate & Currette Prosedur untuk membersihkan rahim dari ketumbuhan atau lelemak yang boleh menyebabkan rahim tidak subur. Ketumbuhan akibat penebalan rahim seperti mild adenomyosis boleh dirawat dengan kaedah ini.Rahim akan dibersihkan apabila dikorek dengan alat khas. "

So, I guess I could say that I'm now pretty confident with Prof although previously I don't really feel that way. Perhaps it's due to my very inquisitive nature which had not been attended to since it's quite difficult to get an appointment with Prof. & susah juga coz I have to take a day off to go to Prof's clinic.

Back to the topic.. I gave Dr Yong my HSG result and then he said he wanted to do vaginal scan. Rasa cuak jugak sebab period, 1st day pulak. But Dr Yong and his nurse assured me that it's alright. Luckily... no pain at all. Banyak darah keluar macam air sirap tumpah but the nurse was nice enough to smile and assured me all the way that it's alright although she would have to clean up after me on the mess. Tahap kesabaran yang jitu, salute to her.

As for the result, except 1 blocked tube and mild PCOS in one of my ovaries (forgot to ask him which side - must remember to ask him later), everything else seems normal. The proposed treatment was of course laproscopy but he suggested that I try another cycle of clomid, this time the size of my eggs shall be monitored.

My treatment at Hamid Arshat (Part 2)

I know I should explain a bit further about what I'd found out about laproscopy but I think I should explain my history from the beginning so the story line would be clearer. I'm not a specialist so I can't really say that what I write here is a 'certain matter', just a humble experience and opinion on my part which people might have faced or thought differently.

After the HSG, Prof told us to 'try naturally' for a couple of months. There are a few cases where couples managed to conceive after HSG. So we were very hopeful even though one of my tubes is not patent (my right fallopian tube has beaded obstruction) for 2 reasons:

1. Prof told that I can still become pregnant with only one patent tube.

2. HSG may have removed the blockage. May...

Still, we or rather I can't manage to conceive naturally afterwards. Then I was prescribed with 2 tablets of Clomiphene (100mg) per day starting from day 3 of my period for 5 consecutive days. This.. without doing any blood test. Of course then I didn't know if blood test is necessary for me but now I'm a bit doubtful about that. Regardless, I'm not in a solid ground to comment more about this unless I'd undergone an extensive treatment which may enhance my knowledge on this area which some of you might have.

These were the side effects after taking clomiphene:

After Cycle 1 - a lot less menstruation blood, less vaginal fluid

After Cycle 2 - menstruation delay for 1 month, still lesser than normal menstruation blood (but more than after the first cycle) , vast supply of vaginal fluid (haaa amek ko.... hehe... syiok je kan, blue pulak die nih) - I'm not sure whether it's the effect of clomiphene or from the massage I had with a bidan called Kak Yah.

Talking about the delayed period, after more than 1 week I did several home pregnancy tests and the results were all negative. I went to 3 general clinics & what the doctors said were dissappointing as well. The first clinic buat HPT jugak... baik tak payah buat cam2 kan coz I pon dah buat HPT kat rumah. The second clinic performed abdominal scanning and she said I might have blighted ovum and it's most likely that I would get my period very soon since my uterus line was quite thick. The third clinic pon buat HPT jugak but luckily the medical officer wrote a reference letter for me so that I can go to Pantai. Actually I was hoping for a blood test incase I was really pregnant with low HcG.

In the midst of that, I'd also call Prof's clinic and the only available slot would be after 2 weeks time. I was told that after 2 unsuccessful attempts with clomiphene, I would have to undergo Dilation and curettage (D&C) together with hydrotubation. So I asked if it would be painful and the staff told me that I would be sedated during the process and when I woke up I would only feel mild abdominal cramp. I was unsatisfied for 2 reasons:

1. It difficult to get an appointment (2 weeks - 1 month). I know there are too many patients at the very popular and well renowned clinic and I should have understand but... could any treatment become effective that way?

2. How could a doctor decide what treatment is best by just reading the HSG result and without hormonal testing too. Perhaps I am just being suspicious but shouldn't I be when there is so little explanation given by the clinic and I'm supposed to believe or do anything they say because they studied medicine and a specialist whereas I only managed a C3 in my Biology paper? There are a number of treatment alternatives for infertility. Am I not entitled to think over if I have any other alternative?

Sorry for over reacting. I know I couldn't deny the fact that some people have had successful treatments there. But I decided to go to Pantai Hospital instead since it's nearer to my office thus I need not take a day off and also it would be free with the recommendation letter.

After abdominal and vaginal scan, the gynae told me that it doesn't look like I'm pregnant and she could see my period coming which confirmed the diagnosis of the second clinic I went. I was just not confident of the diagnosis because I'd been misdiagnosed before when the doctor told me that I have gall bladder stones when I felt that the bleeding between my period came from my vagina instead. Me? Gall bladder stones? I didn't even feel pain when I peed. No other associated symptoms as well.

The gynae said to me "Why were you given clomiphene when one of your tubes is blocked? It could waste your eggs. Better to find out what the blockage is really all about". I then asked her whether D&C and hydrotubation is approriate to treat my problem. She smiled cynically and said something which I do not really remember but signalled that the method is quite outdated. Hmmm...

Neat.. CLICK - Human Ovulation Moment Caught on Camera

Kene Gigit / Kene Cubit?

Since kawen ni rasa menjadi-jadi pulak lebam kat kaki ni. Lepas baik satu, timbul satu lagi. Hmmm kenape agaknye yea..

Secara scientificnye.. lebam ini disebabkan kurangnya zat tertentu di dalam darah yang menyebabkan kapilari darah mudah pecah. Jadi dinasihatkan supaya mengambil supplement vitamin C & elakkan pakai tumit tinggi.

Tapi my kes pulak, masa rajin pakai tumit tinggi dulu takde pulak. Sekarang dah berhenti pakai tumit tinggi menjadi-jadi. Since kahwin lah.

Ade yang cakap, masalah macam ni mungkin sebab kena gigit dgn cik yang suka mengilai tu atau saka atau ada yang menumpang di badan kita. Mak angkat hubby cakap pulak mungkin kene cubit dengan orang halus. Kalau orang halus teringat kat kite, kite akan dapat lebamlah. Tambah seorang kakak yang urut I pulak makhlus halus di mana-mana pon ade. Die pon selalu kena.

Apakah mungkin disebabkan masalah lebam ni I masih tak mengandung sampai sekarang... Wallahualam... Tapi I yakin yang makhluk halus ni ade & I yakin juga dengan saka kerana ade beberapa ahli keluarga di zaman dahulu kala, pangkat nenek-nenek & moyang-moyang yang membela saka ni.

Apa pon rasa tak salah kalau check. Tengoklah nanti macam mana..

Public Forum - Fertility Treatment

Date: 18 April 2010

Venue: Summit USJ Hotel

Time: 2-5 pm

Panels: Specialists from Puchong Fertility & Women's Specialist Centre

I knew about the forum from an advertisement in The Star the week before; Saturday/Sunday paper I can't recall. I didn't know what could I gain from the forum but since it was free, then it was worth a try.

Specialist Centre tu rasanya baru dibuka somewhere in March / April 2010. So mestilah nak promote kan.

There were 3 panels:

1. Dr Leong Wai Yew

2. Dr Yong Jee Kien

3. Dr Surinder Singh

Actually my purpose was to get more information on Laproscopy and to settle my doubts about a few matters. I did get a better view on Laproscopy & I'll write more about it in my next entry.

I managed to ask 2 questions to the panels:

1. Could D&C and Hydrotubation treat blocked tubes?

2. What could cause one's period to be lighter than normal for a prolonged period of time

These were the answers:

1. Hydrotubation may unblock tubes if the blockage is mild but it's quite unlikely or rather effectiveness is low or non existant. Hydrotubation which will cause our tubes to inflate considerably is also quite/very painful. The method is quite outdated nowadays and is now replaced by laproscopy. On the other hand, D&C do not help those with blocked tubes.

2. Hormonal imbalance may be the cause.

By attending this forum, I can say that I now have an eagle view of fertility treatment possibilities. But may be lacking here and there (tu nak kena tunggu further consultation lah)

It's true, we can search all the info on the internet but we'll tend to get confuse with the vast swarming information and then no one nearby could explain it to us. And.. most of the times, the information is also outdated unless you know a very reliable or updated sites. Why? Doctor's consultation is not free yes? What more if it involves specialists.

We received a voucher for Free Counseling at the forum. Possibly we'll get free sperm and hormonal analysis as well but it's not written in the voucher. Wait and see.. we had set our appointment on 30th Apr. Hopefully we'll get the free analysis. If we do it ourselves it would cost around RM500 together with doctor's fee. Then we can proceed with the next step.

Actually we'd done the sperm analysis and the result is good but according to Dr Surinder, some analyses are not comprehensive enough.

The most impressive panel was Dr Surinder. Dr Leong is also very nice and friendly, sangat lemah lembut... I like him. Dr Yong is not bad either.

Jealous? Giving Up?

I'm not all saint. So I do feel jealous at times. Ini adalah perasaan orang yang berasa kekurangan berbanding orang lain.

I feel jealous when I heard of all the good news on pregnancies from friends and family eventhough bile compare I'd been married for much much longer. What I know is that I'm not alone.

I had a friend who had decided after almost 5 years of marriage without a child, she wanted to stop thinking about trying. I felt a bit dissappointed in her. May be I was selfish in that I wanted a companion whom I can share all the trials and that I thought that her effort is not enough to warrant her giving up. But who am I to judge her. She's suffered for much longer and even though we share the same problem, I'm lucky to not have to go through all her bad (almost nightmarish) experiences with doctors. Perhaps I thought that I was supporting her when the fact is that I was making her feel suffocated. But I do hope she could find the right support even if it's not me because even though I might not be sensitive enough or I might be self righteous/judgmental at times, I still think that it's important for her to not give up and keep on trying.

I can feel that my life sucks and I can decide to be overwhelm by the madness of it but... come to think of it, I should not turn a blind eye to my blessings. There are others who are less fortunate.
Contohnya, those who got divorced. If he/she is with a child or children, then being a single parent would be a tough challenge tapi klu divorced with no kids, then he/she can feel very lonely. Or comparing to those who's strunggling to find a mate or had totally given up hope in finding The One.

I had not yet given up in trying to conceive. Mungkin kerana usia perkahwinan baru setahun jagung so I can say that. I called a good friend of mine yesterday; part of the reason is that I wanted to find comfort in her and the other part is I missed her and loved her very much (not having that many friends).

About my lovely friend, she's now blessed with twin girls after over 2 years of struggling. Perhaps you might think that she had not struggled for long but I believe that she had struggled extremely hard and thus deserve the fruitful result she's now enjoying. She's the one I looked up to. I'm glad to say that I'm really happy for her and I'm not jealous of her. Rasa diri sendiri jahat bila ada perasaan jealous.

"Buat apa yang hang rasa patut, biar berhabis insyaallah bile hang dapat hasilnya hang akan rasa usaha hang worth it. Aku dulu ke sana ke mari berubat. Rasa penat, hampir nak give up, sedey, jealous semua ada tapi jangan putus asa insyaallah jalan tu ade utk hang" This was her confession and advice.

MARY... AKU SAYANG KAU!!

So gals if you think that jealousy is lingering within you or that you might not be sensitive enough to your friend, please don't feel bad about yourself. We are only human. The important thing is, we should strive to bring ourselves back on the right track.